i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
