it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize