My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's official drugs can't kill me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
