Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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