And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
