she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
