I skipped work to stalk him.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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