so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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