I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
