And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
