So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
