I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the raccoons are back...
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