so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Alive.
So much puke
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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