his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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