Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
