I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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