Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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