she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
