This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
