remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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