My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
