legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
