Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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