This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize