I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize