No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
