I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
