so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
