here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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