pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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