Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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