Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
