Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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