Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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