Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm at about main and main street
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
