my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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