Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
