My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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