there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
last night I used snow as a chaser
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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