I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
