Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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She even gives head with a lisp.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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