I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
