hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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