At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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