So drunk its hurt
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
