I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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