Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
