I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
