You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
