He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
