the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
