you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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