ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
