I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
