Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
