i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
