I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
