On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
