You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
