3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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