Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize