Do you still have your period?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
