We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
