The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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