do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
