Got a toothbrush?
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
