cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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